The Polytechnic Notebook Years
The cramp little closet
I am in
Has no space for
other things
Alone and suffocating,
wishing to be out,
“Let me out!”
I scream out loud.
No one hears me
no one cares
I can’t come out –
still alone in there.
***
Center of Attention –
is that what you want to be?
- with everyone’s eyes on you.
Tell me about it –
this need to be popular
- do you feel powerful,
or loved,
or admired?
Don’t you feel those eyes
gnawing away slowly
at your being – to your core?
Will you not feel it
until you’re all but gone … ?
***
Which way do I turn?
Where will it lead me?
Should I:
1) reach for the stars
… and crash to the ground
2) sink to the deepest
… and remain buried forever
Or should I die without a cause
and forever be the living,
blind and unhearing
dead?
***
Just a glance that’s
All I ask
So I’ll know you know I exist
Mostly I gaze from afar
In silence and in awe
Never daring to approach you
Even when we pass each other along the corridors.
***
silence is the only constant
end, the only beginning
reason of the unreason
every conscious moment gives
none the wiser
even at Death’s door
***
But I can only look from afar,
Admire from a distance,
And love from beneath a pedestal.
***
In the darkened room
The television blaring
My mind wanders
In search of you
***
Body here
Mind gone
Heart lost
***
Clock is ticking
Heart is beating
But something’s missing
You
***
ANSWERS! cried I.
_________ came by.
***
Away has the feeling gone
No longer the affection stands
Dreams of you are dashed
Reality sets in; love flies off
You are out of my life.
***
Very Much
A Whole Lot
Loads
Even More Than Life
Rather Die Than Stop
I, all the above, love you
Always
***
Vainly I tried to dissuade myself –
An attraction like this cannot be.
Love for you strikes me violently
Every time you are near.
Reality may whisper, “Never”, but
I ignore it
And remember your smile.
***
Beneath the lamplight
my pen flies across
the scented paper
meant for you.
***
Womyn, Venus
I worship thee
But sadly in this society
We cannot be.
June 1998 - July 2001
I am in
Has no space for
other things
Alone and suffocating,
wishing to be out,
“Let me out!”
I scream out loud.
No one hears me
no one cares
I can’t come out –
still alone in there.
***
Center of Attention –
is that what you want to be?
- with everyone’s eyes on you.
Tell me about it –
this need to be popular
- do you feel powerful,
or loved,
or admired?
Don’t you feel those eyes
gnawing away slowly
at your being – to your core?
Will you not feel it
until you’re all but gone … ?
***
Which way do I turn?
Where will it lead me?
Should I:
1) reach for the stars
… and crash to the ground
2) sink to the deepest
… and remain buried forever
Or should I die without a cause
and forever be the living,
blind and unhearing
dead?
***
Just a glance that’s
All I ask
So I’ll know you know I exist
Mostly I gaze from afar
In silence and in awe
Never daring to approach you
Even when we pass each other along the corridors.
***
silence is the only constant
end, the only beginning
reason of the unreason
every conscious moment gives
none the wiser
even at Death’s door
***
But I can only look from afar,
Admire from a distance,
And love from beneath a pedestal.
***
In the darkened room
The television blaring
My mind wanders
In search of you
***
Body here
Mind gone
Heart lost
***
Clock is ticking
Heart is beating
But something’s missing
You
***
ANSWERS! cried I.
_________ came by.
***
Away has the feeling gone
No longer the affection stands
Dreams of you are dashed
Reality sets in; love flies off
You are out of my life.
***
Very Much
A Whole Lot
Loads
Even More Than Life
Rather Die Than Stop
I, all the above, love you
Always
***
Vainly I tried to dissuade myself –
An attraction like this cannot be.
Love for you strikes me violently
Every time you are near.
Reality may whisper, “Never”, but
I ignore it
And remember your smile.
***
Beneath the lamplight
my pen flies across
the scented paper
meant for you.
***
Womyn, Venus
I worship thee
But sadly in this society
We cannot be.
June 1998 - July 2001