Even Shorter Really Short Short Stories: The Scraped Scenes From Shakespeare Series

or
The To Be Or Not To Be Series
or
The One Monologue Fits All Series
or
The Misplaced Monologue Series
or
The Same Old Soliloquy Series



IJuliet wakes up in the tomb and finds Romeo sprawled across her bosom. She spots an empty vial in his hand and immediately (and correctly) deduces what has happened. She takes Romeo's dagger and positions it at her breast, saying, "Oh happy dagger – to be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler ..."

But before she could finish her existential ramble, the Friar enters the tomb ...

Then the Capulets ...

Then the Montagues ...

Thus the feud does not end. Juliet takes the veil and spends the rest of her life contemplating, "To be or not to be ..."



IIOthello is torn deciding whether or not to kill Desdemona: On one hand, he is unable to disbelieve Iago; on the other, he cannot completely believe his beloved wife.

With the pillow poised, Othello begins, "To be or not to be ..."

Halfway through, Emillia (who happens in on the scene) goes mad from the tediousness of Othello's meditation, and Desdemona, to keep from screaming out loud from boredom, claps her hands over her mouth, and eventually smothers herself to death.



IIICaesar happens upon a secret gathering of members of his senate, and, to his horror, realizes they are all wannabe-actors, and all of them have chosen Hamlet's monologue for their audition. As the lot of them begins to murmur in one voice, "To be or not to be ...", Caesar lets slip a tortured groan, and is thus found out.

To prevent Caesar from letting the cat out of the bag, they decide to stab him to death. When Caesar sees his pal Brutus, who is the last in line to stab him, in scandalized disappointment with his dying breath, he utters, "Et tu, Brute – an actor?!"



IVMacbeth deliberates over Lady Macbeth's suggestion to vanquish Banquo to fulfill the witches' prophesy.

"To be or not to be ..." he begins, and the ghost of the dead king of Denmark whispers, offstage, "Wrong play, asshole ..."



VHamlet forgets.



Fin.