the word is:

insidious adj.

1. intended to entrap or beguile
   
2. stealthily treacherous or deceitful
   
3. operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect

so many a negative connotation
a creeper, sneaker, stealing, slithering closer
closer like a disease or an enemy or a

malaise noun

1. a condition of general bodily weakness or discomfort, often marking the onset of a disease
   
2. a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort

am i sick? i want to ask the doctor
who tells me, it's adult-hood.
there is no remedy but senility preceding death.

precarious adj.

1. dependent on circumstances beyond one's control; uncertain; unstable; insecure
   
2. dependent on the will or pleasure of another; liable to be withdrawn or lost at the will of another
   
3. exposed to or involving danger; dangerous; perilous; risky
   
4. having insufficient, little, or no foundation

brings to mind a personal precipice
i skirt the edge but fall
backwards into a rabbit-hole of

ennui noun

a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom

i say, but i don't want it at all!
the doctor merely stares blindly ahead:
your opinion does not matter.