awake

coming home in the night
i always check the time display
on my cellphone
(always mentally adding 5 hours)
wondering if it's too late to text you
(it's 05:31 now: you'll wake in 90 minutes
 or so - maybe i should stay up
 'til you awake?)

i want to tell you how
earlier this evening
you were everywhere
blatant in my thoughts
hidden in everything
i talked about
(our friends, they didn't notice)

now it's 05:57
i wonder if it's still too early
to text you
(you'll wake in a little over 60 minutes -
 maybe i could stay up 'til you awake?)

there's a bruise on the inside
of my elbow from giving up
7 cc of blood
it's been growing
still is growing

i'm nodding off
to your voice
20 seconds of voicemail
played on loop
so many 'bye's
so many 'bye's