words

are Scrabble tiles
i turn over in my hands
thumbing their
cold, hard, smooth surfaces
i piece them together
and hope for the best
      does this make sense
      does that make sense
      is there such a word as this
      is this how you spell that word
      will anybody understand
      this or that
(sometimes i wonder if
 i would be better off
 using a Ouija board
 or a Tarot pack)

but none of these is of any use
and none of these works
will travel from one end
to the other
of a telephone cable
when i dial out

to
(i don’t know
 am not sure)
a random telephone box
in the middle of nowhere
or a line without a telephone
to herald the news of my call
or a line
long since disconnected
nobody is picking up

it’s just as well nobody is picking up
my words are voiceless
i am mute

nobody’s picked up
for ten years
for ten years
i’ve been mute

i hope to find a voice one day
i will stop swallowing words
stop choking myself
i will dig deeper
mine the loam of my body
for a tongue
the dust of my soul
for what i mean to say

one day
i hope to find my voice
(even if it should take
 another ten years
 even if it should take
 a lifetime)
because
i want to talk

to you