i have been told

i have been told
that as a little girl
i had been pretty as a china doll
i have been told
my pageboy bob and straight bangs
looked almost wig-like
in their thick, straight, shiny perfection
i have been told
my skin was beautiful
soft and fair and a healthful pink
the peach-halves of my rounded cheeks
my rosebud pout would never need
artificial painting
i have been told
i had candle-lit fingers
the tips of which burned flame-like
ten fire rose blossoms

i have been told
when i was younger
i was plump and adorable
i was told
when i was older
i was fat and needed to be thin
to be beautiful
i did – i tried

i have been told
i am now a woman
(even though i still feel
 like a girl)
that i “look sweet”
that i am “sexy”
“have breasts enough”
“nice legs”
(“what’s your number?”)
“you’re hot i wanna
 fuck you”

as a girl-child
as a woman-child
i have been told
head to toes
how i looked
how i look
how i should look
what i heard however
was
you are the sum of your looks

i have been told
lies and half-lies
truths and half-truths
i have been told

but i’m none of all that
but i’m more than all that
the sum of my looks
no
i have not been told

no
i need not be told