In-Waiting

i’d been waiting
for the longest time
my entire life, in fact
i’d been waiting for you
to find me

i’d thought
once you’ve found me
i’d be rescued
i’d be saved
even though
i’ve no idea
what from

maybe
i’d been waiting for you
to find me
and rescue me
from myself
to save me from me

because i’d built
such vast barricades
around myself
i’d became lost
lost in me
lost
to myself

maybe
i was hoping for you
to extricate me
and release me
to steal me from myself

but all those years
all that time
that i’d spent waiting
that i’d just waited and waited
they seemed for nothing
because you never came
and you never found me
never rescued me
never freed me

and whilst i’d been waiting
i’d became even more lost
more hopelessly barricaded
within the prison of myself

all those years
all that time
that i’d spent waiting
that i’d just waited and waited
i began to wonder if you’d ever arrive

maybe
you never would
and never will
and

maybe
you don’t exist at all
and never did

but i did
and still do

maybe
i should’ve waited for me

because
even if i didn’t turn up
i’d still have existed
even if i’d never lived

or
maybe
i was really waiting
not for you
but for me

maybe
i’d been waiting
for me to find myself
to free myself
all along

and

maybe
all the while i’d been waiting
i was really in-waiting



4^th – 5^th March 2005