Some (Hopefully) Outdated Nonsense-Rhymes

I’m not a male-basher – I’ll have you know –
But some of your idiosyncrasies are really getting old.

I
Walking hand-in-hand is fine
As long as you don’t keep me a couple of steps behind.
I’m not a toddler; I don’t have to be led;
Besides, who are you to do so? You're not my dad.

II
Nor do I appreciate your arm around my neck.
If you want to show affection, try a different tack.
This Neanderthal show of possession
Does not equate a public display of affection.

III
I don’t mind – in fact I think it’s nice –
That you hold the door for me
But I really must insist I mind
That you won’t let me repay this courtesy.

IV
Yes, I can’t read a map – you don’t have to gloat.
I mean, when you get lost, I can’t even make a joke.
At least I’d stop and ask for directions;
But you – you’ve never had such intentions!

V
And I really don’t mind that you pee in the shower;
All that I ask is that you give it a good scour after.
It’s just a matter of hygiene –
I don’t need the shower sparkling clean.

VI
Oh, and one last tiny thing:
You know your stacks of girly magazines?
I’ve dumped them all in the recycling bin.




(… Jesus! Will you relax? I’m just kidding!)