February 05, 2004

Excuse Me

Excuse me.

Excuse me!
Yes, I’ve got something I’d like to return.

Whaddaya mean I can’t return it –
It’s spoilt! It’s defected!
I’ve got an item that’s broken –
Okay, how about an exchange then?

Whaddaya mean I can’t exchange it either –
Look, it’s clearly damaged!
And I’ve only used it once!
Once!
It’s –

I want to see the Manager –
Oh.

You are the Manager.
Great, just gimme a new piece for this one here
And I’ll get outta your face, quick and easy.

Whaddaya mean ‘NO’ -
It’s your product –

Fine.
Let me talk to the Manufacturer.
I want to talk to the person who made this product
Damnit!

So,
You are the maker then?
The Manufacturer?

Good.
See this here?
See?
You made it.
Now fix it or gimme a new piece.
I’d used it once and then it’s –

Whaddaya mean “Hearts cannot be returned or exchanged” –
I told you,
I’d used it only once!

Is it broken?
Can’t you see for yourself –
Of course it’s broken!

Whaddaya mean did I break it?
Of course not!
Like, duh!
See, I’d given it to someone
And it was returned to me in one piece.
But then it suddenly shattered!
I didn’t break it.
And now it’s in a million and one pieces,
I can’t use it anymore.

Please, can’t you just give me a new piece?
I just want a new one …
This one’s in so many pieces I can’t –

I don’t know how to mend it …
It can’t be mended;
I’ve tried.
And tried.
And tried.
But it won’t mend
And I can’t use it anymore.
Please give me a new piece.
I promise I’ll take care of it,
I won’t give it away again.
Really.
I’ll never give it away again.

1 Comments:

Blogger mahtiaivo said...

this one made my day, i really like it. thank you (so to say).

4:45 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home