Aboard Bus No. 155 This Night

I
It doesn’t travel from point A
to point B; it leaves point A
for a meandering loop,
from its central heart
to its eastern parts, and
returns to point A:
an endless Ouroboros.

II
Leaving Toa Payoh,
where I had spent my childhood,
it travels through Upper Aljunied,
where I had spent my adolescence,
to Joo Chiat,
where I’m living in my adulthood.

My life:
encompassed by a single bus route;
yet, the life I’ve lived,
the life I’m living,
and the life I’ll live,
it never did, and – I suppose –
never will,
unfurl as straightforward
and direct
as a bus route.

How many more wrong turns?
How many more bypasses, U-turns,
and detours will I make
before I finally reach my
destination?

What is my destination;
where is it?

III
Sitting in the brightly lit interior of the bus,
I watch my thoughts fly by – cars on the nighttime road;
my emotions the many shining headlights flashing by
like fireflies.

And then, before I realize it, I have arrived.

Sing me a silver stream

Sing me a silver stream
Ah, my Love, my Life, my Dream

Of words true and clear and deep
That I may drift to you in sleep

Sing me nightly your lullaby
When I upon my bed do lie

That when I my eyes do close
Would find myself from head to toes

Bathed and cleansed in waters sweet
Beautiful when finally I you greet

I would you my ear canals should flood
And my head and heart and blood

I would you me drown, me carry away
Than to find you gone come glaring day

So sing, of Love and Life and Dream,
Sing to me a silver stream

That I may drift to you in sleep
Or drown and be forever in your keep



15^th – 16^th Jan 2006

When I looked at you

When I looked at you
I could see us,
Together.

For the first time,
In a very long time,
I didn’t see Billy Collins’
Duck/Rabbit
When I looked at someone –
When I looked at you;
Oh no:
When I looked at you,
I saw only us.

I saw us doing little things –
Sharing an ice-cream cone;
Taking a walk along the beach
    on a bright sunny day;
Sitting under a café’s patio umbrella
    chatting on and on about everything,
    about nothing,
    our fingers loosely linked –
Scenes out of a movie,
Everything I’ve always wanted;
And you,
You completed the picture,
Made everything picture-perfect.

So I looked at you.
I loved looking at you;
I could look at you for long,
    breathless moments –
Maybe even
Forever.

And that was the problem.

I had spent so much time just
Looking at you,
I never did anything at all
To bring you to me,
To bring about a we,
An us.

In the end,
We could not even be
The incongruous Duck/Rabbit pair;
You are somewhere far away,
I am nowhere.

I can't even look at you now -
Much less forever,
Much less see us together.